Quarter finals

Uruguay 1 - 1 Ghana aet (Uruguay 4 - 2 penalties)
Holland 2 - 1 Brazil
Germany 4 - 0 Argentina
Spain 1 - 0 Paraguay

Plans for coherent blogging of the quarter finals were rather scuppered on Friday night when my neighbour Sean knocked on my door and asked me if I fancied a beer at about 5:30. I did fancy a beer, then I fancied another one, then I realised the landlord was firing up the barbecue and they'd be showing the football when it came on in a couple of hours, and my evening plan seemed to emerge quite naturally from the circumstances.

Thus the late appearance of this post, you see. Saturday wasn't the most energised of days. And Sunday was my birthday. So I'm covering the quarter finals in this merged and truncated format.

It may have been the booze, but Uruguay v Ghana was one of the best games of the tournament. Two great goals, extra time and some spectacular cheating. What more could you possibly want?

Ghana got the first, on the stroke of halftime. Sulley Muntari got the ball about forty yards out, and just hit it. Most of the time when someone at this World Cup has done that with the Jabulani ball it's gone sailing well over the bar or halfway to the corner flag, Jabulani being the Xhosa word for flies through the air like Hansie Cronje's plane didn't. Muntari, though, managed to put all those failed efforts in context with one sweet shot, curling away from the unsighted Muslera and in.

Muntari having subverted the World Cup form for the long range shot, Forlan decided to do the same for the free kick. His effort cleared the wall and crashed in, wrong footing Kingson on the way. He'd made the classic keeper's error of moving just before the kick was taken, an understandable urge but one which so often leads to a goal when the attacker happens to choose the opposite side to the one the keeper expects.

As I said, it may have been the booze, but it was a great game. Everyone watching was perfectly happy when full time came, because it guaranteed us another half hour of drinking and watching. I can't give you a lot of detail, I'm afraid. I didn't take my notebook to the pub, and if I had it would mainly have said I fucking love football, it's the best game and people who don't like it are just cunts, rather than anything more coolly analytical, so you'll have to settle for a rather broader brushstroke than I normally use.

In fact I spent most of extra time talking to the woman stood next to me at the bar. Her boy has been signed up as an apprentice for Rovers, and she was worried that he might be corrupted by the superstar life style. I reassured her, and I can reassure you, that there's absolutely no question of the glamour of Bristol Rovers corrupting anyone. If there was a version of Big Brother shown on Dave, at three in the morning every other Wednesday, the people choosing the housemates would pose a greater threat to their young charges' sense of proportion. Parents up and down the land are despearate to reassure agents and talent scouts that rumours of their boy spending time as a Rovers apprentice are entirely unfounded.

No, I wasn't trying to chat her up. She had a husband in tow. I have to say, though, it's a little dispiriting to realise that someone can have a son old enough to be an apprentice and still be unattainably young from my point of view.

The killer moment in the game came right at the end of extra time. From a Ghana corner, Adiyiah's shot was blocked by Suarez on the line. It came back to him, he headed it where it came from, and Suarez blocked it again. This time, though, he used his arm. He was sent off, and Gyan took the penalty. If he'd scored from the penalty, there wouldn't have been penalties. Because his penalty hit the bar and went over, there had to be penalties. Clear?

He took the first Ghana penalty himself. He scored. Like Yakubu for Nigeria, you couldn't but admire his guts. Also like Yakubu for Nigeria, it didn't change a goddam thing. Mensah and Adiyiah missed, Uruguay won the shootout 4-2, and on they go.

As you may imagine, there's been no little discussion of this. Suarez, who misses the semifinal, didn't entirely helped matters by cheering Gyan's penalty miss as he walked off the pitch, and when he said his hand was now the new hand of God he achieved the remarkable feat of making himself unwelcome in Africa, England and Diego Maradonna's house all at the same time.

Even in those parts of the world Suarez could safely visit, there is a general sense that an injustice was done, and that a little humility on the part of Uruguay wouldn't go amiss. Ghana would have been the first African country to reach a World Cup semifinal had Suarez not deliberately handled the ball on the line. It has been said that keeping the ball out by any means is instinctive for a footballer, which is fair enough, but you really ought to eat some humble pie afterwards.

There also seems to be a strong argument for introducing a penalty goal, like the penalty try in rugby. Under this rule, if a player commits a blatant penalty offence in such a way that a definite goal is prevented, by handball, pushing an attacker over as he goes to tap a ball over the line, or whatever, then a goal should be given.

Uruguay now have to play the semifinal without Suarez, but apparently if they should win that game Suarez would be available for the final again. He could easily end up scoring the most unpopular World Cup final winning goal ever.

They play Holland, who beat Brazil in a thrilling game. A few days ago I said this

We're seeing a new, efficient Holland, without the flamboyancy, haircuts or public spats of yesteryear. I like what I'm seeing. Mind you, they've got Brazil next.

They haven't got Brazil next any more. They've got a semifinal against a Uruguay side who have lost their best striker.

It was Brazil's own fault, they threw it away quite casually. They started so well, with Robinho scoring twice in two minutes. The first one was disallowed for offside, but the second one was fine.

It was a freak goal that changed things. Sjneider's lofted cross came quite naturally through to Cesar in goal. He was slightly impeded by Melo, but not enough to justify what happened. He just completely missed the direction of the ball, and punched the empty air just to the left of its flight path instead. It hit the top of Melo's head and went in. Initially it was given as a Melo own goal, but after the game FIFA awarded it to Sjneider instead. This seems only fair, as the ball would have gone in anyway if it Melo's head hadn't been there, the crucial factor in the attribution of goals.

It seemed to throw Brazil. They've always been equal parts butterfly and bee, but sometimes they've got a bit of a glass jaw to go with it. This was one of those days. Sjneider's headed winner came from a perfectly straightforward corner from Robben, flicked on by Kuyt and knocked in without a serious challenge. Soon after Melo was sent off for stamping on Robben (I've always said watching Rooney is just like watching Brazil), and Brazil ended their World Cup on something of a whimper.

I don't think any of us expected that to happen, and I don't think any of us expected Germany to steamroller Argentina like they steamrollered Australia and England. I mean, Cahill and Terry are one thing, but this was the team of Messi and Maradonna. Their uncharacteristic loss to Serbia aside, no-one has looked vaguely like stopping them.

Klose, meanwhile, has scored 14 World Cup goals in his career. This puts him equal on Gert Muller, and one behind Brazilian Ronaldo in the all time list. He's 32, so this is probably his last chance to get to the top. He's also in the running for the Golden Boot, the highest number of goals in this tournament. He won this in 2006 with five, and no-one has ever won it two tournaments in a row.

They got started quickly in this one. Mueller got his head on a Schweinsteiger free kick from the left and deflected the ball ever so slightly. I think Romero in goal was prepared to either hurl himself across the goal after a proper header or stay right where he was if Mueller missed it. The slight deflection caught him out. It hit his right leg and bounced in, and Germany were one nil up before I'd so much as had a sip of my tea.

Like England, Argentina had plenty of pressure, but it didn't matter this time either. Germany scored a second when Mueller, lying on the floor, was able to flip a ball through to Podolski. He found Klose unmarked in front of an empty net, and Klose, no doubt remembering the Yakubu miss against South Korea, had the calmness to control it first before tapping in.

Schweinsteiger had his moment next, running right through a bedraggled and shell shocked Argentine defence to knock it back for Friedrich, who made no mistake. Klose got a fourth just before the end, and that was that.

Ein, zwei, drei, the Germans go marching on, said Gary Lineker, remaining mysteriously unsacked. Why xenophobia against Germans gets a free pass at the BBC I don't know, but it does. Dutch footballing legend Clarence Seedorf did his level best to show a more cultured and urbane face to the world than the company he found himself in, although he did accidentally undermine his dignified avoidance of national stereotypes by saying how hard it was to break through the German wall. Use a pickaxe is my advice, Clarence.

Lineker was right about one thing, they do go marching on. Although given the joyfulness and panache of their play, we might more accurately characterise their style of movement as a sashay.

The fourth quarter final, Spain v Paraguay, was a tale of posts and penalties. The first half was pretty dull, but there was more than enough material in five minutes of the second half to fill a post. Follow the details, the details are important. I'm afraid the referee isn't about to cover himself in glory.

It started on 59 minutes. Paraguay had a corner, Pique pulled on Cardozo's arm like a child demanding ice cream as the ball swung into the box, and a penalty was given. Pique got a yellow card, and Cardozo took the penalty. It was a poor penalty, Casillas saved it and held on to it, and the game carried on. Thus far, no problem.

A minute later at the other end, Villa got to a ball into the Paraguayan penalty area just before Alcaraz, who pushed him in the back. It was a definite penalty, which was given, but Alcaraz only got a yellow. This was hard to understand, as it was clearly a goal-scoring opportunity for Villa, so if it was a foul it should have been a straight red.

No matter, at least Spain have a penalty. Up steps Alonso, and he tucks it away calmly enough. Except that the referee decides it has to be taken again, for encroachment. This time Villar saves, and the rebound comes out to Fabregas. He tries to go round Villar, who blatantly trips him. No penalty given. The ball comes to Ramos, but his shot is cleared off the line by Da Silva.

All clear? Not quite. Replays show that there was encroachment on all three penalties, and that more Spanish players encroached the Paraguayan penalty miss, saved by Casillas, than encroached Alsonso's first, successful kick.

So the referee has made three game changing mistakes in five minutes. First he missed the encroachment on the first penalty (or mistakenly gave it for the second, depending on the level of tolerance you choose to apply to encroachment). Then he gave Alcaraz a yellow rather than a red. Then he missed the Fabregas trip. And we laughed at Graham Poll four years ago.

After the penalties, the posts. There were three of those as well. In the 82nd minute, Iniesta broke through to the edge of the Paraguayan box, and laid the ball off to Pedro. Pedro's shot hits the left hand post, and comes back to Villa. He controls, steadies himself (it's amazing how the top players know to the nearest tenth of a second exactly how long they have to do this) and shoots. The ball hits the right hand post, runs along the goal line behind Da Silva, hits the left hand post and rolls in.

Poor Da Silva. He'd kept out Ramos after the penalty save, and his position on the goal line was ideal, but the ball pinged one side of him, behind him, and in on the other side. His face as it did this was a comedy classic from the silent era - he looks right, he looks left, he looks bemused, he looks disconsolate. It would have won Buster Keaton an Oscar.

They were unlucky, Paraguay. They had the ball in the net in the first half, but Valdez's goal was disallowed because Cardozo was offside. He'd risen for the cross, hadn't touched it but had got near enough to it to be interfering with play. If he'd left it, the goal would have stood.

They nearly scored again right at the end. Barrios, on for Caceres, had a shot which the normally reliable Casillas spilled. Santa Cruz beat him to the ball as it rolled across the box, but Casillas made himself big and Cruz's shot pinged off him and away. On such margins are these things resolved. Spain go on, Paraguay go home.

So that's the semi final line up.

Holland v
Uruguay and
Germany v
Spain

which spells out a message, from the World Cup to all of us. HUGS, says the World Cup, as it prepares to take its leave. Hugs to you too, World Cup. If I could enter a stasis chamber until your blessed return, I surely would.

The next one is in Brazil, in 2014. South American teams will hope to use it to improve on their performance this time, which rather flattered to deceive. From a position of complete dominance, no South American country has earned an honest semifinal place. Only Uruguay survive, courtesy of Suarez and Gyan's penalty miss.

And there's a real chance of a new name on the trophy. Germany have won before, obviously, but Spain and Holland haven't. If they win they get a final against each other, with a new winner guaranteed. Uruguay, surprisingly, are three time winners, in 1934, 1938 and 1950. This makes them the only team with more years of hurt than England, so if they win England go home crowned champions of something, after all.

Brazil v Chile

Brazil 3 Juan 34, Fabiano 38, Robinho 59
Chile 0

Let's not beat around the bush. We all knew that was going to happen. Chile will have groaned when they saw the group draw, and realised how long the odds were on getting anyone other than Brazil in this game. They might have hoped for something different when Switzerland beat Spain, but they never scored enough goals to be top of the group, so by the time they played Spain themselves they must have seen the writing on the wall. And let's not pretend we felt any different when we realised we were going to have to play Germany.

It wasn't the game of the tournament, although it was the best game so far that's had Brazil in it. I still haven't forgiven them for the Portugal game, to be honest. To be fair, they seemed to spend less time clutching their gaping wounds and screaming for a medic than they have in previous appearances.

And they played well enough to have the first six chances that made it into my notebook, including three goals. They did all their little tricks, but it was a defender's header from a corner that put them one up. Juan took a leaf out of the Louis Carey school of defensive attacking, planting himself in the middle of the box, rising high and powering it in. Come on, I've been really good, surely I'm allowed one.

The second was just the kind of thing we're desperate to be able to say we've come to expect. Robinho free down the left on the break, the defender beaten, the cross to Kaka, the precision pass between two covering defenders to Fabiano, the unstoppable shot. You know, that kind of thing. The stuff they owe us somehow.

The third was the same kind of thing again. The Ramirez run into the heart of the Chilean defence, the defensive slip which allowed the pass across to Robinho, the shot that curves round the keeper and back in just in time. It looks so easy sometimes, football.

Chile were disappointing in this one. There was one particular moment that summed up their evening. Three nil down with twenty minutes left, they got a break, they dashed forward en masse, as they really needed to, but just couldn't seem to get the ball moving as fast as they were. Brazil took it back, and used the opportunity to show how breaks should be done. Five seconds after they'd picked it up on the edge of their own half Robinho was shooting from wide right. Bravo saved well to keep the score to three, but it was a symbolic moment.

They haven't been terrible, Chile, but they've never quite delivered. They laboured rather against a semi-pro Honduran team and an unambitious Swiss one, got one nil wins over both and threw their tournament away in the last fifteen minutes of the first half against Spain. Recovering later in that game to play the best football we've seen from them, they then settled for the one goal deficit that gave them the odds over Switzerland, when cold logic must have told them another goal would have made all the difference to their hopes. Brazil did the necessary, and home they go.

Brazil get a quarter final against Holland, with a semifinal against Uruguay or Ghana to follow. Tomorrow, Paraguay against Japan and, more tellingly, Spain against Portugal.

Group G - final games

Brazil 0 - 0 Portugal

Ivory Coast 3 - 0 North Korea
Yaya Toure 14
Romaric 20
Kalou 82

Well that was just shit. After Japan and Slovakia show the world how it's done, two of the top teams had the chance to re-establish their credentials. Hey look at me they could have said, through the medium of flicks and shimmies. But no.

And I wasn't expecting anything else. Neither of them had anything to gain, you see. Brazil were through anyway and Portugal knew a point was enough. Top place didn't matter, or rather it wasn't clear whether first or second place was best because the Group H games hadn't been played, and under those circumstances why would they bother entertaining us?

Is that cynical of me? Only if you forget that all these players have been selected. Not just selected in the sporting sense, but selected in the Darwinian sense as well.

Actually that's a misrepresentation. Even in the case of footballing dynasties like the Redknapps or the Lampards, it's not as if footballing prowess is actually affecting their ability to reproduce as such. There is no natural selection at work here. But there is an application of the principle of the survival of the fittest.

It's straightforward enough, if you think about it. Within the niche environment of football, clubs rise or fall according to their ability to score goals, and stop their opponents scoring them. The ones that succeed are promoted, those that fail are relegated. The environment changes from time to time, rules are tweaked, new strategies emerge, and teams have to adapt or pay the price for their rigidity. Players also rise or fall individually, by getting transferred to better or worse teams.

The footballing equivalent of camouflage or sharp teeth, the things that get you selected, are fitness, positional sense, being tall and so on. The ability to control and direct a bouncing ball without using your hands is obviously an asset. As is the fine art of moral compromise.

In football, morals could for instance mean a distaste for cheating, or a desire to give something back to the public, even if you don't personally benefit. If you have morals in football, you aren't going to be prepared to fall over to win a penalty, demand a corner when you know it's a goal kick, pass the ball from side to side for ninety minutes and so on. In footballing terms, a strong sense of ethics is simply a form of poor ball control.

Ask any West Brom fan. West Brom are a team who spend half their time getting promoted from the Championship and the other half getting relegated from the Premiership. Their fans are intimately familiar with the difference between the two. They will tell you how much dirtier the Premiership is, just as they'll tell you how much better Premiership players are at all the other football skills. Championship players, on average, aren't quite as spectacularly good at shooting, crossing or moral abdication as players on the next level up.

At World Cup level, we're watching the cream of the cream. Anyone who fails at any football skill isn't going to make the cut, because there are always other players to come in and fill the gap. There are probably plenty of Brazilian and Portugese players looking at the crowded stadium and thinking well, they've come a long way and spent a lot of money, surely they're entitled to some kind of spectacle, but they're all watching on the telly like the rest of us because they've failed to master the skill of shamelessness.

It's just maths. If the rewards for a certain behaviour outweigh the risks, then that behaviour is going to emerge. Emerge in the technical sense, of simply following from the initial premise without any intent being required. To address the problem you have to change the maths, and to change the maths you have to tweak the rules. Take simulation, for instance.

Make simulation one of the most punishable offences in the game, make punishment retroactive and introduce a committe whose job is to review all games and apply it, and the maths changes. Even if individual players didn't change their behaviour, their selection fitness would fall because they were suspended so often, and in the end they'd find themselves playing at a lower level. Players who disdained simulation, on the other hand, would find empty places to step into in teams like Portugal or Real Madrid.

Not that it would have helped much yesterday. You can tweak the parameters around simulation, but I know of no rule change that would make teams come out and play.

In the other game, Ivory Coast scored about a third of the goals they would have needed if Brazil had made the necessary effort to beat Portugal, and like every African country except Ghana they're on their way home. North Korea, meanwhile, finish with zero points, one goal for and twelve against. Let's hope Kim Jong-Il isn't from the Saddam Hussein school of sports management.

Outcomes - groups G and H

Group G
If Portugal beat Brazil, then Portugal top the group and Brazil finish second.

If Brazil and Portugal draw, then Brazil top the group and Portugal finish second.

If Brazil beat Portugal, then Brazil top the group and second place goes to Portugal or the Ivory Coast, depending on goal difference. The Ivory Coast would need to overturn a nine goal gap as things currently stand.

Group H
Another complicated one.

If Chile beat Spain and Switzerland win or draw against Honduras, Chile top the group and Switzerland are second.

If Chile beat Spain and Honduras beat Switzerland, Chile top the group and the team with the best goal difference from the other three are second.

If Spain beat Chile and Honduras win or draw against Switzerland, Spain top the group and Chile are second.

If Spain beat Chile and Switzerland beat Honduras, Honduras are eliminated and the other three nations are placed according to goal difference. Spain are guaranteed a place, while Switzerland get a place if they beat Honduras by two goals or more, or Chile lose by two goals or more.

If Spain and Chile draw, Chile top the group, while Spain are second unless Switzerland beat Honduras, in which case Switzerland are second.

Brazil v Ivory Coast

Brazil 3 - 1 Ivory Coast
Fabiano 25, 50 Drogba 79
Elano 62

This was a funny one, a mixture of the brilliant, the tedious and the downright ugly. And that's without Ronaldo even playing.

It was a slow burner of a game. I've got more notes for the last ten minutes than I made for the entire first half. Brazil raised our hopes thirty seconds in, Fabiano bursting through and shooting just over virtually from the kick off, but the next 24 minutes had just the one decent chance - Roberto Silva's shot from a corner, slightly off target and deflected clear by Touré before it had a chance to bounce anywhere dangerous off the Brazilian knees behind him.

I cannot tell a lie, I didn't see which defender it deflected off. I chose Touré because there was two of them, so the odds were better. Kolo plays for Man City, Yaya for Barcelona, and they have 132 caps between them. Why do I think giving you facts makes it better somehow?

As so often happens, a period of quiet was followed by a goal. Fabiano used his strength to bustle through the Ivorian defence, but found himself at a difficult angle wide right. With a square inch of goal in the top right hand corner to aim at, he hit it perfectly for one nil.

It shocked the Ivory Coast, and they took a few minutes to compose themselves, but all the chances at the end of the first half were theirs. Dindane had two, but the first was blocked and the second, from distance, was easy enough for a keeper of Cesar's quality. For a country with a great tradition of crap keepers, Brazil seem be to doing all right at the moment - Cesar plays for the Champions League winners Inter Milan, the backup Gomes for Spurs and third choice Doni for Roma.

The last chance of the half fell to Eboue, but his shot was deflected wide. At the break, the Africans must have felt they were still in with a chance.

They had a rude awakening soon after the break. It was Fabiano again, lobbing one defender, dodging another and again lobbing a third before smashing the ball home seemingly through Boubacar's body. He plays for Lokeren, you know. The Belgian team? Yes they're in the top division, they finished fourteenth.

It was a brilliant individual goal by Fabiano, so it was a shame when the replay showed he'd used his arm to control the second lob. There's a dark side to the flamboyant geniuses of world football, of which more later.

This time there was no recovery period for the Ivory Coast. Almost immediately, Drogba had a great chance on a cross. He made space brilliantly, working the defender to get the three feet of space he needed, but his header went just wide. Soon after he played a one-two with Gervinho, who'd just come on for Dindane, but Gervinho just failed to get hold of the return.

Even my lovely readers, despite your reluctance to obsess over the game to a halfway appropriate level, will be familiar with the Ivory Coast manager, one Sven Goran Erikssen. Many you will have had sex with him, and those of you that haven't will know someone who has.

Perhaps you can explain, then, why he's so reluctant to play Gervinho right from the start. He's clearly a brilliantly talented lad, and whilst there's nothing wrong with Dindane as such, he does have, shall we say, a certain aroma of Portsmouth hanging over him. He did OK today, but Gervinho was their best player by a country mile. Why are country miles longer, by the way? I'd have thought they were shorter, because there's less in the way.

It didn't matter today, as Brazil went three up soon after he came on. Kaka got the ball down by the corner flag and managed to get a cross in without having to pass any of the defenders. Elano came in faster and stronger than anyone else, got to it first and tucked it away.

Now that the football was decided, it gave everyone the chance to concentrate on pretending to be hurt. The Brazilians are past masters at this, and gave the Africans a lesson which at least one of them took to heart. Tiote got a yellow card for unclear reasons, and Keita got one for reasons of very clear faking by Bastos.

Mixed in with the pretending to be hurt was some actual hurting, and it was sometimes hard to distinguish the one from the other, but suddenly in the middle of it a goal broke out. Gervinho ran seventy country yards with the ball, right into the box. He was stymied by cool defending and had to lay it off, but as the ball was returned Drogba ran through the offside trap, timing his run perfectly, to find himself stood all alone with the ball falling delicately onto his head. Being Drogba, he put it where it needed to be for three one.

And the Ivory Coast had one last sucker punch to land. Keita walked up to Kaka and nudged him, Kaka nudged him back and Keita went down holding his face. It earned Kaka a second yellow, and off he went.

It was petulant, although you can understand him wanting to stick it to the Brazilians after all their diving and rolling around, but above all it was tactically stupid. Brazil's last game is against Portugal, the Ivory Coast desperately need Brazil to beat them, and now they'll be playing them without one of their top players. Idiotic.

The whistle went soon after, bringing the action to a close before anyone could pretend to hit anyone else with an imaginary rolling pin. Another African nation loses a game, what a terrible few days for them. By the end of the group phase, all six could well have been eliminated.

Brazil v North Korea

Brazil 2 North Korea 1
Maicon 55 Ji Yun-Nam 89
Elano 72

If New Zealand warmed the cockles of our jaded hearts to room temperature, they're now as hot as roasting chestnuts on an open fire.

The tears of joy started before kickoff. Quite literally, in this case. As the camera panned across the players singing the national anthem Jong Tae-Se, their talismanic striker, could be seen singing along with the tears rolling down his face. At first I thought they were I must be seen to be moved by all the Dear Leader's favourite policemen tears, but it turns out Jong grew up in Japan, plays for Kawasaki Frontale and has rather less need of that kind of thing than the rest of the team. Which means they were probably look mum, I'm in the World Cup tears, and it's safe to say aw.

Brazil had been there before, and instead of crying about it they got on with besieging the North Korean goal. Robinho had two runs in the first ten minutes. First his pass to Kaka was just too hard, then his shot went wide, but we still saw enough to annoy Man City fans everywhere. He never did any of that for them.

Not that the Koreans were overawed. They had a few efforts of their own, including one attempt by Cha from about 70 yards. Not even Brazilian keepers get that far out of position, and Cesar held onto it comfortably.

And their defense was comfortable. I'll say that again. North Korea, defending against Brazil, were comfortable. They went in at half time without having conceded a goal, and without having looked like conceding one.

It was the same story for the first ten minutes of the second half, but then Brazil got their break. Maicon chased after a ball that was going out, caught up with it a yard before it crossed the line and hit it. Instead of coming back across the box, it went between the keeper and the near post, swerving as it went, and in.

He probably couldn't do it again if he tried all day. Chris Coleman, commentating, said you might blame the keeper for not guarding the near post better, but I thought that was a little harsh. Some commentators have tried to make out it was a deliberate shot, but I couldn't see how it could have been. It was just one of those freak moments that turn a game.

They meant the next one though. Robinho played the kind of pass you'd expect from a Brazilian wonder boy, stepping up to get the angle just right then hitting it just out of the reach of about five different defenders, with exactly the right weight for the charging Elano to hit it without breaking stride. He'd timed his run to perfection, and hit it first time precisely into the corner.

Two amazing goals. The first goal, you couldn't believe it was on purpose. The second, you knew it was on purpose but you still couldn't believe it. We've been waiting for a moment like that, the kind of moment you know you'll still be seeing when World Cup clip shows are beamed directly into the imaging implants in your retinas from satellites orbiting the ice moon you live on, and now we've had one.

Again, what was thrilling for us must have been infuriating for Man City fans. They'd just watched two players who were rubbish for them combine to score a better goal than they'd ever seen.

Two didn't seem enough for Kaka, Robinho, Nilmar and Melo, they all had shots. If I was a North Korean footballer, it would have got me down.

But blow me if they didn't go and pull one back. Five minutes to go, and Ji Yun-Nam got onto a header from Kin Jong-Sun, ran into the box and just leathered it past Cesar. Two one.

And they had two more shots after that. At the final whistle they all looked really disappointed. We lost, to Brazil. We're not disappointed, and we give them a better chance against Portugal and the Ivory Coast than we'd ever thought possible.