Holland 3 Van Bronckhorst 18, Sjneider 70, Robben 73
Uruguay 2 Forlan 41, Pereira 90 + 2
For many people, the most memorable thing about Uruguay until the Ghana game was the Homer Simpson scene. You remember, the one where he spins a globe and says Hey, look, there's a country called U R Gay!
The Homer erotic Uruguay may now have been superseded in the popular imagination by the Uruguay of cheating Suarez, but they were still in a semifinal of the World Cup. The last time England did that was twenty years ago. And at the end they were one decent strike away from taking Holland to extra time.
The first half was unremarkable except for the goals, both of which came out of the blue. For Holland's opener, Van Bronckhorst hit a shot from 40 yards for no good reason. I just had time to think oh you twat for wasting the opportunity before it sailed past the keeper and into the back of the net. Oh well, shows what I know.
Forlan clearly felt he wanted to leave us with something to remember him by as well. He got onto a loose pass just before the break, feinted right, went left, got a yard or two of space and hit it. Stekelenberg got a hand on it, and really ought to have kept it out, but didn't. One one at half time.
For the first twenty minutes of the second half, the favourites looked vulnerable. They couldn't string passes together, their first touches let them down, the obvious ball eluded them. At times they seemed to playing a game of their own invention called Ever Decreasing Circles, in which each player spins through 180 degrees then plays a shorter ball than the one before, ignoring both the blue shirts swarming into his path and the orange ones begging for the ball out by the touchline.
Suddenly, like great teams do, they got it together. Their first proper chance in an age fell to Van Der Vaart, after the hitherto anonymous Van Persie had collected a long ball on the edge of the box and put him in. Muslera saved his shot well, but it ran kindly for Robben. With everyone holding their breath Robben shot wildly over, but it felt like a momentum shift was underway.
Five minutes later they scored, perhaps a little controversially. Sjneider's shot deflected slightly off the leg of Maxi Pereira, and went under Van Persie's legs and in. He was (just) offside when the shot was taken, and was clearly interfering with play even though he never actually touched it, so it shouldn't really have been allowed. No-one who saw the end of the Ghana game cared about that though.
And there was nothing controversial about the third. It was straightforward enough, but brilliantly executed. A Kuyt cross came to Robben in the box, just slightly behind him, and he leaned back just enough to get his head into the right position to angle the ball in off the far post. If the cross had come to him more easily, the defender could have got in a challenge, but as things were it was unplayable.
The game seemed dead from that point, with twenty minutes left. Tabarez took Alvaro Pereira off, replacing him with Abreu. Then he swapped Forlan for Fernandez, a strange decision which seemed like the height of folly when they got a free kick in injury time, in a position which Forlan would normally have shot from.
But Gargano didn't strike for goal. He played a surprise short ball to Maxi Pereira, who shot under the blocking defenders' legs, past the keeper and in. Suddenly, for the last two minutes, it was game on.
Uruguay knocked a couple of crosses in, and one of them nearly broke to Arevalo, but as things turned out there was nothing doing. Van Bommel was booked for dissent, but at this stage that means nothing. Uruguay slink off home, there to work up a head steam over the Sjneider goal which will for ever annoy 2.5 million people while briefly amusing five billion, and Holland are in the final.
I'll type that again. Holland. Are. In. The. Final. Told you.
Showing posts with label Holland. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Holland. Show all posts
Tuesday, 6 July 2010
Monday, 5 July 2010
Quarter finals
Uruguay 1 - 1 Ghana aet (Uruguay 4 - 2 penalties)
Holland 2 - 1 Brazil
Germany 4 - 0 Argentina
Spain 1 - 0 Paraguay
Plans for coherent blogging of the quarter finals were rather scuppered on Friday night when my neighbour Sean knocked on my door and asked me if I fancied a beer at about 5:30. I did fancy a beer, then I fancied another one, then I realised the landlord was firing up the barbecue and they'd be showing the football when it came on in a couple of hours, and my evening plan seemed to emerge quite naturally from the circumstances.
Thus the late appearance of this post, you see. Saturday wasn't the most energised of days. And Sunday was my birthday. So I'm covering the quarter finals in this merged and truncated format.
It may have been the booze, but Uruguay v Ghana was one of the best games of the tournament. Two great goals, extra time and some spectacular cheating. What more could you possibly want?
Ghana got the first, on the stroke of halftime. Sulley Muntari got the ball about forty yards out, and just hit it. Most of the time when someone at this World Cup has done that with the Jabulani ball it's gone sailing well over the bar or halfway to the corner flag, Jabulani being the Xhosa word for flies through the air like Hansie Cronje's plane didn't. Muntari, though, managed to put all those failed efforts in context with one sweet shot, curling away from the unsighted Muslera and in.
Muntari having subverted the World Cup form for the long range shot, Forlan decided to do the same for the free kick. His effort cleared the wall and crashed in, wrong footing Kingson on the way. He'd made the classic keeper's error of moving just before the kick was taken, an understandable urge but one which so often leads to a goal when the attacker happens to choose the opposite side to the one the keeper expects.
As I said, it may have been the booze, but it was a great game. Everyone watching was perfectly happy when full time came, because it guaranteed us another half hour of drinking and watching. I can't give you a lot of detail, I'm afraid. I didn't take my notebook to the pub, and if I had it would mainly have said I fucking love football, it's the best game and people who don't like it are just cunts, rather than anything more coolly analytical, so you'll have to settle for a rather broader brushstroke than I normally use.
In fact I spent most of extra time talking to the woman stood next to me at the bar. Her boy has been signed up as an apprentice for Rovers, and she was worried that he might be corrupted by the superstar life style. I reassured her, and I can reassure you, that there's absolutely no question of the glamour of Bristol Rovers corrupting anyone. If there was a version of Big Brother shown on Dave, at three in the morning every other Wednesday, the people choosing the housemates would pose a greater threat to their young charges' sense of proportion. Parents up and down the land are despearate to reassure agents and talent scouts that rumours of their boy spending time as a Rovers apprentice are entirely unfounded.
No, I wasn't trying to chat her up. She had a husband in tow. I have to say, though, it's a little dispiriting to realise that someone can have a son old enough to be an apprentice and still be unattainably young from my point of view.
The killer moment in the game came right at the end of extra time. From a Ghana corner, Adiyiah's shot was blocked by Suarez on the line. It came back to him, he headed it where it came from, and Suarez blocked it again. This time, though, he used his arm. He was sent off, and Gyan took the penalty. If he'd scored from the penalty, there wouldn't have been penalties. Because his penalty hit the bar and went over, there had to be penalties. Clear?
He took the first Ghana penalty himself. He scored. Like Yakubu for Nigeria, you couldn't but admire his guts. Also like Yakubu for Nigeria, it didn't change a goddam thing. Mensah and Adiyiah missed, Uruguay won the shootout 4-2, and on they go.
As you may imagine, there's been no little discussion of this. Suarez, who misses the semifinal, didn't entirely helped matters by cheering Gyan's penalty miss as he walked off the pitch, and when he said his hand was now the new hand of God he achieved the remarkable feat of making himself unwelcome in Africa, England and Diego Maradonna's house all at the same time.
Even in those parts of the world Suarez could safely visit, there is a general sense that an injustice was done, and that a little humility on the part of Uruguay wouldn't go amiss. Ghana would have been the first African country to reach a World Cup semifinal had Suarez not deliberately handled the ball on the line. It has been said that keeping the ball out by any means is instinctive for a footballer, which is fair enough, but you really ought to eat some humble pie afterwards.
There also seems to be a strong argument for introducing a penalty goal, like the penalty try in rugby. Under this rule, if a player commits a blatant penalty offence in such a way that a definite goal is prevented, by handball, pushing an attacker over as he goes to tap a ball over the line, or whatever, then a goal should be given.
Uruguay now have to play the semifinal without Suarez, but apparently if they should win that game Suarez would be available for the final again. He could easily end up scoring the most unpopular World Cup final winning goal ever.
They play Holland, who beat Brazil in a thrilling game. A few days ago I said this
They haven't got Brazil next any more. They've got a semifinal against a Uruguay side who have lost their best striker.
It was Brazil's own fault, they threw it away quite casually. They started so well, with Robinho scoring twice in two minutes. The first one was disallowed for offside, but the second one was fine.
It was a freak goal that changed things. Sjneider's lofted cross came quite naturally through to Cesar in goal. He was slightly impeded by Melo, but not enough to justify what happened. He just completely missed the direction of the ball, and punched the empty air just to the left of its flight path instead. It hit the top of Melo's head and went in. Initially it was given as a Melo own goal, but after the game FIFA awarded it to Sjneider instead. This seems only fair, as the ball would have gone in anyway if it Melo's head hadn't been there, the crucial factor in the attribution of goals.
It seemed to throw Brazil. They've always been equal parts butterfly and bee, but sometimes they've got a bit of a glass jaw to go with it. This was one of those days. Sjneider's headed winner came from a perfectly straightforward corner from Robben, flicked on by Kuyt and knocked in without a serious challenge. Soon after Melo was sent off for stamping on Robben (I've always said watching Rooney is just like watching Brazil), and Brazil ended their World Cup on something of a whimper.
I don't think any of us expected that to happen, and I don't think any of us expected Germany to steamroller Argentina like they steamrollered Australia and England. I mean, Cahill and Terry are one thing, but this was the team of Messi and Maradonna. Their uncharacteristic loss to Serbia aside, no-one has looked vaguely like stopping them.
Klose, meanwhile, has scored 14 World Cup goals in his career. This puts him equal on Gert Muller, and one behind Brazilian Ronaldo in the all time list. He's 32, so this is probably his last chance to get to the top. He's also in the running for the Golden Boot, the highest number of goals in this tournament. He won this in 2006 with five, and no-one has ever won it two tournaments in a row.
They got started quickly in this one. Mueller got his head on a Schweinsteiger free kick from the left and deflected the ball ever so slightly. I think Romero in goal was prepared to either hurl himself across the goal after a proper header or stay right where he was if Mueller missed it. The slight deflection caught him out. It hit his right leg and bounced in, and Germany were one nil up before I'd so much as had a sip of my tea.
Like England, Argentina had plenty of pressure, but it didn't matter this time either. Germany scored a second when Mueller, lying on the floor, was able to flip a ball through to Podolski. He found Klose unmarked in front of an empty net, and Klose, no doubt remembering the Yakubu miss against South Korea, had the calmness to control it first before tapping in.
Schweinsteiger had his moment next, running right through a bedraggled and shell shocked Argentine defence to knock it back for Friedrich, who made no mistake. Klose got a fourth just before the end, and that was that.
Ein, zwei, drei, the Germans go marching on, said Gary Lineker, remaining mysteriously unsacked. Why xenophobia against Germans gets a free pass at the BBC I don't know, but it does. Dutch footballing legend Clarence Seedorf did his level best to show a more cultured and urbane face to the world than the company he found himself in, although he did accidentally undermine his dignified avoidance of national stereotypes by saying how hard it was to break through the German wall. Use a pickaxe is my advice, Clarence.
Lineker was right about one thing, they do go marching on. Although given the joyfulness and panache of their play, we might more accurately characterise their style of movement as a sashay.
The fourth quarter final, Spain v Paraguay, was a tale of posts and penalties. The first half was pretty dull, but there was more than enough material in five minutes of the second half to fill a post. Follow the details, the details are important. I'm afraid the referee isn't about to cover himself in glory.
It started on 59 minutes. Paraguay had a corner, Pique pulled on Cardozo's arm like a child demanding ice cream as the ball swung into the box, and a penalty was given. Pique got a yellow card, and Cardozo took the penalty. It was a poor penalty, Casillas saved it and held on to it, and the game carried on. Thus far, no problem.
A minute later at the other end, Villa got to a ball into the Paraguayan penalty area just before Alcaraz, who pushed him in the back. It was a definite penalty, which was given, but Alcaraz only got a yellow. This was hard to understand, as it was clearly a goal-scoring opportunity for Villa, so if it was a foul it should have been a straight red.
No matter, at least Spain have a penalty. Up steps Alonso, and he tucks it away calmly enough. Except that the referee decides it has to be taken again, for encroachment. This time Villar saves, and the rebound comes out to Fabregas. He tries to go round Villar, who blatantly trips him. No penalty given. The ball comes to Ramos, but his shot is cleared off the line by Da Silva.
All clear? Not quite. Replays show that there was encroachment on all three penalties, and that more Spanish players encroached the Paraguayan penalty miss, saved by Casillas, than encroached Alsonso's first, successful kick.
So the referee has made three game changing mistakes in five minutes. First he missed the encroachment on the first penalty (or mistakenly gave it for the second, depending on the level of tolerance you choose to apply to encroachment). Then he gave Alcaraz a yellow rather than a red. Then he missed the Fabregas trip. And we laughed at Graham Poll four years ago.
After the penalties, the posts. There were three of those as well. In the 82nd minute, Iniesta broke through to the edge of the Paraguayan box, and laid the ball off to Pedro. Pedro's shot hits the left hand post, and comes back to Villa. He controls, steadies himself (it's amazing how the top players know to the nearest tenth of a second exactly how long they have to do this) and shoots. The ball hits the right hand post, runs along the goal line behind Da Silva, hits the left hand post and rolls in.
Poor Da Silva. He'd kept out Ramos after the penalty save, and his position on the goal line was ideal, but the ball pinged one side of him, behind him, and in on the other side. His face as it did this was a comedy classic from the silent era - he looks right, he looks left, he looks bemused, he looks disconsolate. It would have won Buster Keaton an Oscar.
They were unlucky, Paraguay. They had the ball in the net in the first half, but Valdez's goal was disallowed because Cardozo was offside. He'd risen for the cross, hadn't touched it but had got near enough to it to be interfering with play. If he'd left it, the goal would have stood.
They nearly scored again right at the end. Barrios, on for Caceres, had a shot which the normally reliable Casillas spilled. Santa Cruz beat him to the ball as it rolled across the box, but Casillas made himself big and Cruz's shot pinged off him and away. On such margins are these things resolved. Spain go on, Paraguay go home.
So that's the semi final line up.
Holland v
Uruguay and
Germany v
Spain
which spells out a message, from the World Cup to all of us. HUGS, says the World Cup, as it prepares to take its leave. Hugs to you too, World Cup. If I could enter a stasis chamber until your blessed return, I surely would.
The next one is in Brazil, in 2014. South American teams will hope to use it to improve on their performance this time, which rather flattered to deceive. From a position of complete dominance, no South American country has earned an honest semifinal place. Only Uruguay survive, courtesy of Suarez and Gyan's penalty miss.
And there's a real chance of a new name on the trophy. Germany have won before, obviously, but Spain and Holland haven't. If they win they get a final against each other, with a new winner guaranteed. Uruguay, surprisingly, are three time winners, in 1934, 1938 and 1950. This makes them the only team with more years of hurt than England, so if they win England go home crowned champions of something, after all.
Holland 2 - 1 Brazil
Germany 4 - 0 Argentina
Spain 1 - 0 Paraguay
Plans for coherent blogging of the quarter finals were rather scuppered on Friday night when my neighbour Sean knocked on my door and asked me if I fancied a beer at about 5:30. I did fancy a beer, then I fancied another one, then I realised the landlord was firing up the barbecue and they'd be showing the football when it came on in a couple of hours, and my evening plan seemed to emerge quite naturally from the circumstances.
Thus the late appearance of this post, you see. Saturday wasn't the most energised of days. And Sunday was my birthday. So I'm covering the quarter finals in this merged and truncated format.
It may have been the booze, but Uruguay v Ghana was one of the best games of the tournament. Two great goals, extra time and some spectacular cheating. What more could you possibly want?
Ghana got the first, on the stroke of halftime. Sulley Muntari got the ball about forty yards out, and just hit it. Most of the time when someone at this World Cup has done that with the Jabulani ball it's gone sailing well over the bar or halfway to the corner flag, Jabulani being the Xhosa word for flies through the air like Hansie Cronje's plane didn't. Muntari, though, managed to put all those failed efforts in context with one sweet shot, curling away from the unsighted Muslera and in.
Muntari having subverted the World Cup form for the long range shot, Forlan decided to do the same for the free kick. His effort cleared the wall and crashed in, wrong footing Kingson on the way. He'd made the classic keeper's error of moving just before the kick was taken, an understandable urge but one which so often leads to a goal when the attacker happens to choose the opposite side to the one the keeper expects.
As I said, it may have been the booze, but it was a great game. Everyone watching was perfectly happy when full time came, because it guaranteed us another half hour of drinking and watching. I can't give you a lot of detail, I'm afraid. I didn't take my notebook to the pub, and if I had it would mainly have said I fucking love football, it's the best game and people who don't like it are just cunts, rather than anything more coolly analytical, so you'll have to settle for a rather broader brushstroke than I normally use.
In fact I spent most of extra time talking to the woman stood next to me at the bar. Her boy has been signed up as an apprentice for Rovers, and she was worried that he might be corrupted by the superstar life style. I reassured her, and I can reassure you, that there's absolutely no question of the glamour of Bristol Rovers corrupting anyone. If there was a version of Big Brother shown on Dave, at three in the morning every other Wednesday, the people choosing the housemates would pose a greater threat to their young charges' sense of proportion. Parents up and down the land are despearate to reassure agents and talent scouts that rumours of their boy spending time as a Rovers apprentice are entirely unfounded.
No, I wasn't trying to chat her up. She had a husband in tow. I have to say, though, it's a little dispiriting to realise that someone can have a son old enough to be an apprentice and still be unattainably young from my point of view.
The killer moment in the game came right at the end of extra time. From a Ghana corner, Adiyiah's shot was blocked by Suarez on the line. It came back to him, he headed it where it came from, and Suarez blocked it again. This time, though, he used his arm. He was sent off, and Gyan took the penalty. If he'd scored from the penalty, there wouldn't have been penalties. Because his penalty hit the bar and went over, there had to be penalties. Clear?
He took the first Ghana penalty himself. He scored. Like Yakubu for Nigeria, you couldn't but admire his guts. Also like Yakubu for Nigeria, it didn't change a goddam thing. Mensah and Adiyiah missed, Uruguay won the shootout 4-2, and on they go.
As you may imagine, there's been no little discussion of this. Suarez, who misses the semifinal, didn't entirely helped matters by cheering Gyan's penalty miss as he walked off the pitch, and when he said his hand was now the new hand of God he achieved the remarkable feat of making himself unwelcome in Africa, England and Diego Maradonna's house all at the same time.
Even in those parts of the world Suarez could safely visit, there is a general sense that an injustice was done, and that a little humility on the part of Uruguay wouldn't go amiss. Ghana would have been the first African country to reach a World Cup semifinal had Suarez not deliberately handled the ball on the line. It has been said that keeping the ball out by any means is instinctive for a footballer, which is fair enough, but you really ought to eat some humble pie afterwards.
There also seems to be a strong argument for introducing a penalty goal, like the penalty try in rugby. Under this rule, if a player commits a blatant penalty offence in such a way that a definite goal is prevented, by handball, pushing an attacker over as he goes to tap a ball over the line, or whatever, then a goal should be given.
Uruguay now have to play the semifinal without Suarez, but apparently if they should win that game Suarez would be available for the final again. He could easily end up scoring the most unpopular World Cup final winning goal ever.
They play Holland, who beat Brazil in a thrilling game. A few days ago I said this
We're seeing a new, efficient Holland, without the flamboyancy, haircuts or public spats of yesteryear. I like what I'm seeing. Mind you, they've got Brazil next.
They haven't got Brazil next any more. They've got a semifinal against a Uruguay side who have lost their best striker.
It was Brazil's own fault, they threw it away quite casually. They started so well, with Robinho scoring twice in two minutes. The first one was disallowed for offside, but the second one was fine.
It was a freak goal that changed things. Sjneider's lofted cross came quite naturally through to Cesar in goal. He was slightly impeded by Melo, but not enough to justify what happened. He just completely missed the direction of the ball, and punched the empty air just to the left of its flight path instead. It hit the top of Melo's head and went in. Initially it was given as a Melo own goal, but after the game FIFA awarded it to Sjneider instead. This seems only fair, as the ball would have gone in anyway if it Melo's head hadn't been there, the crucial factor in the attribution of goals.
It seemed to throw Brazil. They've always been equal parts butterfly and bee, but sometimes they've got a bit of a glass jaw to go with it. This was one of those days. Sjneider's headed winner came from a perfectly straightforward corner from Robben, flicked on by Kuyt and knocked in without a serious challenge. Soon after Melo was sent off for stamping on Robben (I've always said watching Rooney is just like watching Brazil), and Brazil ended their World Cup on something of a whimper.
I don't think any of us expected that to happen, and I don't think any of us expected Germany to steamroller Argentina like they steamrollered Australia and England. I mean, Cahill and Terry are one thing, but this was the team of Messi and Maradonna. Their uncharacteristic loss to Serbia aside, no-one has looked vaguely like stopping them.
Klose, meanwhile, has scored 14 World Cup goals in his career. This puts him equal on Gert Muller, and one behind Brazilian Ronaldo in the all time list. He's 32, so this is probably his last chance to get to the top. He's also in the running for the Golden Boot, the highest number of goals in this tournament. He won this in 2006 with five, and no-one has ever won it two tournaments in a row.
They got started quickly in this one. Mueller got his head on a Schweinsteiger free kick from the left and deflected the ball ever so slightly. I think Romero in goal was prepared to either hurl himself across the goal after a proper header or stay right where he was if Mueller missed it. The slight deflection caught him out. It hit his right leg and bounced in, and Germany were one nil up before I'd so much as had a sip of my tea.
Like England, Argentina had plenty of pressure, but it didn't matter this time either. Germany scored a second when Mueller, lying on the floor, was able to flip a ball through to Podolski. He found Klose unmarked in front of an empty net, and Klose, no doubt remembering the Yakubu miss against South Korea, had the calmness to control it first before tapping in.
Schweinsteiger had his moment next, running right through a bedraggled and shell shocked Argentine defence to knock it back for Friedrich, who made no mistake. Klose got a fourth just before the end, and that was that.
Ein, zwei, drei, the Germans go marching on, said Gary Lineker, remaining mysteriously unsacked. Why xenophobia against Germans gets a free pass at the BBC I don't know, but it does. Dutch footballing legend Clarence Seedorf did his level best to show a more cultured and urbane face to the world than the company he found himself in, although he did accidentally undermine his dignified avoidance of national stereotypes by saying how hard it was to break through the German wall. Use a pickaxe is my advice, Clarence.
Lineker was right about one thing, they do go marching on. Although given the joyfulness and panache of their play, we might more accurately characterise their style of movement as a sashay.
The fourth quarter final, Spain v Paraguay, was a tale of posts and penalties. The first half was pretty dull, but there was more than enough material in five minutes of the second half to fill a post. Follow the details, the details are important. I'm afraid the referee isn't about to cover himself in glory.
It started on 59 minutes. Paraguay had a corner, Pique pulled on Cardozo's arm like a child demanding ice cream as the ball swung into the box, and a penalty was given. Pique got a yellow card, and Cardozo took the penalty. It was a poor penalty, Casillas saved it and held on to it, and the game carried on. Thus far, no problem.
A minute later at the other end, Villa got to a ball into the Paraguayan penalty area just before Alcaraz, who pushed him in the back. It was a definite penalty, which was given, but Alcaraz only got a yellow. This was hard to understand, as it was clearly a goal-scoring opportunity for Villa, so if it was a foul it should have been a straight red.
No matter, at least Spain have a penalty. Up steps Alonso, and he tucks it away calmly enough. Except that the referee decides it has to be taken again, for encroachment. This time Villar saves, and the rebound comes out to Fabregas. He tries to go round Villar, who blatantly trips him. No penalty given. The ball comes to Ramos, but his shot is cleared off the line by Da Silva.
All clear? Not quite. Replays show that there was encroachment on all three penalties, and that more Spanish players encroached the Paraguayan penalty miss, saved by Casillas, than encroached Alsonso's first, successful kick.
So the referee has made three game changing mistakes in five minutes. First he missed the encroachment on the first penalty (or mistakenly gave it for the second, depending on the level of tolerance you choose to apply to encroachment). Then he gave Alcaraz a yellow rather than a red. Then he missed the Fabregas trip. And we laughed at Graham Poll four years ago.
After the penalties, the posts. There were three of those as well. In the 82nd minute, Iniesta broke through to the edge of the Paraguayan box, and laid the ball off to Pedro. Pedro's shot hits the left hand post, and comes back to Villa. He controls, steadies himself (it's amazing how the top players know to the nearest tenth of a second exactly how long they have to do this) and shoots. The ball hits the right hand post, runs along the goal line behind Da Silva, hits the left hand post and rolls in.
Poor Da Silva. He'd kept out Ramos after the penalty save, and his position on the goal line was ideal, but the ball pinged one side of him, behind him, and in on the other side. His face as it did this was a comedy classic from the silent era - he looks right, he looks left, he looks bemused, he looks disconsolate. It would have won Buster Keaton an Oscar.
They were unlucky, Paraguay. They had the ball in the net in the first half, but Valdez's goal was disallowed because Cardozo was offside. He'd risen for the cross, hadn't touched it but had got near enough to it to be interfering with play. If he'd left it, the goal would have stood.
They nearly scored again right at the end. Barrios, on for Caceres, had a shot which the normally reliable Casillas spilled. Santa Cruz beat him to the ball as it rolled across the box, but Casillas made himself big and Cruz's shot pinged off him and away. On such margins are these things resolved. Spain go on, Paraguay go home.
So that's the semi final line up.
Holland v
Uruguay and
Germany v
Spain
which spells out a message, from the World Cup to all of us. HUGS, says the World Cup, as it prepares to take its leave. Hugs to you too, World Cup. If I could enter a stasis chamber until your blessed return, I surely would.
The next one is in Brazil, in 2014. South American teams will hope to use it to improve on their performance this time, which rather flattered to deceive. From a position of complete dominance, no South American country has earned an honest semifinal place. Only Uruguay survive, courtesy of Suarez and Gyan's penalty miss.
And there's a real chance of a new name on the trophy. Germany have won before, obviously, but Spain and Holland haven't. If they win they get a final against each other, with a new winner guaranteed. Uruguay, surprisingly, are three time winners, in 1934, 1938 and 1950. This makes them the only team with more years of hurt than England, so if they win England go home crowned champions of something, after all.
Monday, 28 June 2010
Holland v Slovakia
Holland 2 Robben 18, Sjneider 84
Slovakia 1 Vittek (pen) 90 + 4
The B list countries are all going home now. They shine, they sparkle, they put out Italy or France, in England's case they don't do any of those things, but as we head towards the quarter finals the big fish are taking over.
It's like a feeding frenzy, taken to its logical conclusion. During qualifying there are plenty of fish in the sea, and everyone contents themselves with the small fry. By the tournament itself the Balkan bait ball is mostly gone, and the smaller hunters become the hunted. Once they get out of the group stage it's bye bye to halibut, herring, and English carp, and before we know it the real sharks are on their own, thrashing around and gorging on each other until one monstrous hammerhead emerges triumphant from the debris of scale and crunched bones.
You get the idea. Not that Holland will be describing themselves as one of the really big fish. After all, it's not like they've ever won it, or anything.
The golden generation (a phrase so cheapened by its application to the current England squad that it's hard to use it without spitting) took them to two finals, in 1974 and 1978, but they lost to Germany, then Argentina. Since then we've had the traditional flashes of greatness (one thinks immediately of the Bergkamp goal against Argentina in 1998), but they always seem to burn brightly, then burn out.
This year, they're taking a different tack. No more 6-1 demolition jobs, like the one they inflicted on Yugoslavia in Euro 2000. They were hosting the tournament, and they preened and strutted to a semifinal defeat by Italy that seemed impossible.
This time the preening and the strutting have been left to lesser teams. They've beaten Denmark, Japan, Cameroon and now Slovakia, scored seven goals to two conceded, yet they seem to have ghosted through the tournament.
We're seeing a new, efficient Holland, without the flamboyancy, haircuts or public spats of yesteryear. I like what I'm seeing. Mind you, they've got Brazil next.
The big news for them is that Arjen Robben is back. He played in the Champions League final for Bayern, but hurt himself in a friendly against Hungary a week before the tournament began. They've done fine without him, but they were glad of his goal today. The way he cut inside from the right and put the ball precisely through the minute gap between converging defenders' legs will have brought back happy memories from the days before gold was devalued. Three Lions? Sealions more like. Yes I'm still angry. It's still only the day after the Grim Day, you know. Not Better Yet Day, we call it, and cursed be those who fail to understand.
Yes, let's get back to Holland. The Slovakian goalkeeper Mucha gave them the second, running out to get a ball he was never going to reach. Kuyt headed over him and passed it back to Sjneider, who shot into an empty net. It was a shame for Mucha, who'd had a good game and a good tournament, but that's feeding frenzies for you, no respecters of effort.
The laws of sporting selection relented long enough to allow Slovakia a nice little bonus at the end, as they won a penalty with the last move of the match. Vittek scored, to move to four goals for the tournament. The final whistle blew while they were celebrating. It was how they'd have wanted to go.
The four days since the Italy game were a nice little interlude for them, before normal service was resumed. They didn't entertain against Paraguay or New Zealand, but they've made up for it since. Holland have Brazil, and the winner just has to beat Uruguay or Ghana to get to the final, so it would be a reckless punter who put their money anywhere else, if you ask me.
Slovakia 1 Vittek (pen) 90 + 4
The B list countries are all going home now. They shine, they sparkle, they put out Italy or France, in England's case they don't do any of those things, but as we head towards the quarter finals the big fish are taking over.
It's like a feeding frenzy, taken to its logical conclusion. During qualifying there are plenty of fish in the sea, and everyone contents themselves with the small fry. By the tournament itself the Balkan bait ball is mostly gone, and the smaller hunters become the hunted. Once they get out of the group stage it's bye bye to halibut, herring, and English carp, and before we know it the real sharks are on their own, thrashing around and gorging on each other until one monstrous hammerhead emerges triumphant from the debris of scale and crunched bones.
You get the idea. Not that Holland will be describing themselves as one of the really big fish. After all, it's not like they've ever won it, or anything.
The golden generation (a phrase so cheapened by its application to the current England squad that it's hard to use it without spitting) took them to two finals, in 1974 and 1978, but they lost to Germany, then Argentina. Since then we've had the traditional flashes of greatness (one thinks immediately of the Bergkamp goal against Argentina in 1998), but they always seem to burn brightly, then burn out.
This year, they're taking a different tack. No more 6-1 demolition jobs, like the one they inflicted on Yugoslavia in Euro 2000. They were hosting the tournament, and they preened and strutted to a semifinal defeat by Italy that seemed impossible.
This time the preening and the strutting have been left to lesser teams. They've beaten Denmark, Japan, Cameroon and now Slovakia, scored seven goals to two conceded, yet they seem to have ghosted through the tournament.
We're seeing a new, efficient Holland, without the flamboyancy, haircuts or public spats of yesteryear. I like what I'm seeing. Mind you, they've got Brazil next.
The big news for them is that Arjen Robben is back. He played in the Champions League final for Bayern, but hurt himself in a friendly against Hungary a week before the tournament began. They've done fine without him, but they were glad of his goal today. The way he cut inside from the right and put the ball precisely through the minute gap between converging defenders' legs will have brought back happy memories from the days before gold was devalued. Three Lions? Sealions more like. Yes I'm still angry. It's still only the day after the Grim Day, you know. Not Better Yet Day, we call it, and cursed be those who fail to understand.
Yes, let's get back to Holland. The Slovakian goalkeeper Mucha gave them the second, running out to get a ball he was never going to reach. Kuyt headed over him and passed it back to Sjneider, who shot into an empty net. It was a shame for Mucha, who'd had a good game and a good tournament, but that's feeding frenzies for you, no respecters of effort.
The laws of sporting selection relented long enough to allow Slovakia a nice little bonus at the end, as they won a penalty with the last move of the match. Vittek scored, to move to four goals for the tournament. The final whistle blew while they were celebrating. It was how they'd have wanted to go.
The four days since the Italy game were a nice little interlude for them, before normal service was resumed. They didn't entertain against Paraguay or New Zealand, but they've made up for it since. Holland have Brazil, and the winner just has to beat Uruguay or Ghana to get to the final, so it would be a reckless punter who put their money anywhere else, if you ask me.
Thursday, 24 June 2010
Group E - final games
Japan 3 - 1 Denmark
Honda 17 Tomasson 81
Endo 30
Okazaki 87
Holland 2 - 1 Cameroon
van Persie 36 Eto'o 65
Huntelaar 83
This one was a tale of two free kicks, both for Japan. Honda took the first, from about 40 yards out. The commentator was quite surprised to see him lining up a shot, and wondered whether he might be disguising his intent to play a pass. No, he was advertising his intent to score without anyone getting anywhere near it, including Sorensen in goal. He duly did so, the double bluff taking keeper and commentator equally by surprise.
Which was something neither of them liked, so when Japan got another free kick just outside the box, in fairly much the position you'd put the ball for a free kick if you had a choice, you can be sure they were both keeping a careful eye on Honda. Leaving Endo the less observed of the two players over the ball. Two nil, carefully plotted and faultlessly executed by a very impressive Japanese team.
The half time panel felt it was all Sorensen's fault, he should have put the wall in a different place, moved to the opposite corner himself, and so on. I can't help noticing how everyone knows this after the ball's in the back of the net, but it's quite rare to have it pointed out before. Although Harry Redknapp did point out that you normally put the tallest defender on the end of the wall, which even I know, and it's fairly poor defending if you forget to apply footballing principles even I know.
He's sharp as a tack, that Harry. Asked by Gary Lineker if he was considering splashing out on a Honda in the summer, he said he might be swapping one for his Bentley.
Denmark came out after the break and tried, but realistically it was game over. Tomasson put away the rebound from his own penalty miss (which is why it doesn't say pen next to him on the heading), but Japan just went down the other end and scored again. A draw would have been enough for them anyway, but they chose to go out and win it even though they didn't have to, just because they could. Which other World Cup nation are they reminding me of? Actually, no-one else at all.
Honda 17 Tomasson 81
Endo 30
Okazaki 87
Holland 2 - 1 Cameroon
van Persie 36 Eto'o 65
Huntelaar 83
This one was a tale of two free kicks, both for Japan. Honda took the first, from about 40 yards out. The commentator was quite surprised to see him lining up a shot, and wondered whether he might be disguising his intent to play a pass. No, he was advertising his intent to score without anyone getting anywhere near it, including Sorensen in goal. He duly did so, the double bluff taking keeper and commentator equally by surprise.
Which was something neither of them liked, so when Japan got another free kick just outside the box, in fairly much the position you'd put the ball for a free kick if you had a choice, you can be sure they were both keeping a careful eye on Honda. Leaving Endo the less observed of the two players over the ball. Two nil, carefully plotted and faultlessly executed by a very impressive Japanese team.
The half time panel felt it was all Sorensen's fault, he should have put the wall in a different place, moved to the opposite corner himself, and so on. I can't help noticing how everyone knows this after the ball's in the back of the net, but it's quite rare to have it pointed out before. Although Harry Redknapp did point out that you normally put the tallest defender on the end of the wall, which even I know, and it's fairly poor defending if you forget to apply footballing principles even I know.
He's sharp as a tack, that Harry. Asked by Gary Lineker if he was considering splashing out on a Honda in the summer, he said he might be swapping one for his Bentley.
Denmark came out after the break and tried, but realistically it was game over. Tomasson put away the rebound from his own penalty miss (which is why it doesn't say pen next to him on the heading), but Japan just went down the other end and scored again. A draw would have been enough for them anyway, but they chose to go out and win it even though they didn't have to, just because they could. Which other World Cup nation are they reminding me of? Actually, no-one else at all.
Outcomes - groups E and F
Group E
Holland are definitely through, and Cameroon are definitely out. If Holland win or draw against Cameroon, they top the group.
If they lose, and Japan or Denmark win their game, then Holland and the winner go through, in an order to be decided by goal difference.
If Japan and Denmark draw, Holland are top and Japan second on goal difference.
Group F
If Paraguay beat New Zealand, they top the group and the winner of Italy v Slovakia are second, Italy taking second if they draw.
If New Zealand and Italy win, they both go through, places between them being decided by goal difference.
If New Zealand and Slovakia win, New Zealand top the group and second place goes to Paraguay or Slovakia, places between them being decided by goal difference.
If New Zealand win and the other game is drawn, New Zealand top the group and Paraguay are second.
If Paraguay and New Zealand draw and Slovakia win, Paraguay top the group and Slovakia are second.
If Paraguay and New Zealand draw and Italy win, Paraguay and Italy go through, places between them being decided by goal difference.
If both games are drawn, Paraguay top the group and second place goes to Italy or New Zealand, places between them being decided by goal difference. If the score in both matches is the same, Italy and New Zealand have to be split by lots.
Holland are definitely through, and Cameroon are definitely out. If Holland win or draw against Cameroon, they top the group.
If they lose, and Japan or Denmark win their game, then Holland and the winner go through, in an order to be decided by goal difference.
If Japan and Denmark draw, Holland are top and Japan second on goal difference.
Group F
If Paraguay beat New Zealand, they top the group and the winner of Italy v Slovakia are second, Italy taking second if they draw.
If New Zealand and Italy win, they both go through, places between them being decided by goal difference.
If New Zealand and Slovakia win, New Zealand top the group and second place goes to Paraguay or Slovakia, places between them being decided by goal difference.
If New Zealand win and the other game is drawn, New Zealand top the group and Paraguay are second.
If Paraguay and New Zealand draw and Slovakia win, Paraguay top the group and Slovakia are second.
If Paraguay and New Zealand draw and Italy win, Paraguay and Italy go through, places between them being decided by goal difference.
If both games are drawn, Paraguay top the group and second place goes to Italy or New Zealand, places between them being decided by goal difference. If the score in both matches is the same, Italy and New Zealand have to be split by lots.
Saturday, 19 June 2010
Holland v Japan
Holland 1 - 0 Japan
Sneijder 53
First it blows cold, then it blows hot, then the World Cup suddenly goes off the boil. If it was a souffle, it would be ruined.
It was a tough ask for the Japanese. Jon Champion had Craig Burley on the commentary team with him, and he asked him why can't Japan beat Holland? It struck me you could just as easily ask why can't Scotland beat Belgium? but it doesn't mean they're going to, and Japan clearly decided to start solidly and defend in depth in the way that Scotland didn't.
So Holland didn't get many shots on goal. Their best offensive play in the early stages was van Persie kicking Komano in the head. He'd been tripped, he'd got a free kick and he just rolled over and caught Komano with his boot. The commentators agreed that it looked like an accident, and I thought it was very clever just how much like an accident it looked.
Sneijder and Kuyt both had efforts, and for Japan Nagatomo shot wide after some good passing. Van Persie pushed Nakazawa in the neck, and Nakazawa went down holding his face. Do players really not realise the camera catches that kind of thing? And why, when there's clear evidence of that kind of simulation, is more action not taken? I'm sure it could be eliminated from the senior game easily enough.
Meanwhile, we had news of another injury. Apparently a woman in Johannesburg has ruptured her throat blowing her vuvuzela too hard. I'm saying nothing.
Holland's pressure continued, although all the meaningful strikes on goal were Japan's. Endo had a couple of headed chances, and Matsui hit a long range volley apparently more for the cameras than in any realistic expectation of scoring. Honda hit a free kick from 40 yards well over, prompting Champion to remind us that we've still not had a goal from a free kick in the tournament. Eventually we'll have the first free kick in the tournament when they forget to mention it, but not apparently any time soon.
The last effort of the first half, Van der Vaart's long range shot, could best be described as speculative, and Champion obliged. I missed the first five minutes of the second half because I was in the kitchen, and I'm not sorry.
Especially as I was back just in time for the goal. Van Persie played it back to Sneijder on the edge of the box, and his volley bent slightly in the air. It seemed to confuse Kawashima, who deflected it left and into the goal when he must have meant to deflect it right and wide of the post. It was a forgettable goal, which for that reason suited the game.
Japan came out of their shells after that, knowing they had to score, and the game picked up a bit. They've become the Greece of this tournament, Greece having apparently abandoned the role, trying to overcome superior opponents by wearing them down and hitting them onthe break. It worked against the Cameroons, but it didn't work today.
They gave it their best shot. Okubo dribbled round the momentarily statuesque van Persie to get a shot in, which was well saved by Stekelenburg, then put the next chance over the bar. Soon afterwards they caught van Persie trying to defend again, forcing him to slice a clearance over his own bar.
The Dutch responded by bringing Elia on, and he was soon creating chances like the ones he made against Denmark. He threaded a pass through to Afellay, who drew a smart save from the Dutch keeper. No more goals, but they did enough to put the Japanese off. They had one last good chance with Okazaki, and a highly dubious penalty appeal, but that was that.
So now Holland will be the first nation to qualify for the next stage, unless Cameroon beat Denmark tonight. Which I'm sure is what will happen.
Sneijder 53
First it blows cold, then it blows hot, then the World Cup suddenly goes off the boil. If it was a souffle, it would be ruined.
It was a tough ask for the Japanese. Jon Champion had Craig Burley on the commentary team with him, and he asked him why can't Japan beat Holland? It struck me you could just as easily ask why can't Scotland beat Belgium? but it doesn't mean they're going to, and Japan clearly decided to start solidly and defend in depth in the way that Scotland didn't.
So Holland didn't get many shots on goal. Their best offensive play in the early stages was van Persie kicking Komano in the head. He'd been tripped, he'd got a free kick and he just rolled over and caught Komano with his boot. The commentators agreed that it looked like an accident, and I thought it was very clever just how much like an accident it looked.
Sneijder and Kuyt both had efforts, and for Japan Nagatomo shot wide after some good passing. Van Persie pushed Nakazawa in the neck, and Nakazawa went down holding his face. Do players really not realise the camera catches that kind of thing? And why, when there's clear evidence of that kind of simulation, is more action not taken? I'm sure it could be eliminated from the senior game easily enough.
Meanwhile, we had news of another injury. Apparently a woman in Johannesburg has ruptured her throat blowing her vuvuzela too hard. I'm saying nothing.
Holland's pressure continued, although all the meaningful strikes on goal were Japan's. Endo had a couple of headed chances, and Matsui hit a long range volley apparently more for the cameras than in any realistic expectation of scoring. Honda hit a free kick from 40 yards well over, prompting Champion to remind us that we've still not had a goal from a free kick in the tournament. Eventually we'll have the first free kick in the tournament when they forget to mention it, but not apparently any time soon.
The last effort of the first half, Van der Vaart's long range shot, could best be described as speculative, and Champion obliged. I missed the first five minutes of the second half because I was in the kitchen, and I'm not sorry.
Especially as I was back just in time for the goal. Van Persie played it back to Sneijder on the edge of the box, and his volley bent slightly in the air. It seemed to confuse Kawashima, who deflected it left and into the goal when he must have meant to deflect it right and wide of the post. It was a forgettable goal, which for that reason suited the game.
Japan came out of their shells after that, knowing they had to score, and the game picked up a bit. They've become the Greece of this tournament, Greece having apparently abandoned the role, trying to overcome superior opponents by wearing them down and hitting them onthe break. It worked against the Cameroons, but it didn't work today.
They gave it their best shot. Okubo dribbled round the momentarily statuesque van Persie to get a shot in, which was well saved by Stekelenburg, then put the next chance over the bar. Soon afterwards they caught van Persie trying to defend again, forcing him to slice a clearance over his own bar.
The Dutch responded by bringing Elia on, and he was soon creating chances like the ones he made against Denmark. He threaded a pass through to Afellay, who drew a smart save from the Dutch keeper. No more goals, but they did enough to put the Japanese off. They had one last good chance with Okazaki, and a highly dubious penalty appeal, but that was that.
So now Holland will be the first nation to qualify for the next stage, unless Cameroon beat Denmark tonight. Which I'm sure is what will happen.
Monday, 14 June 2010
Holland v Denmark
Holland 2 - 0 Denmark
Agger (og) 46
Kuyt 85
Our site manager Paul will have been waiting for this one, as he's got both teams in the sweepstake. See, it isn't just me that's getting overexcited. He was happy enough with his draw, and they both look better options to progress than Japan or Cameroon.
Not that it was a classic. In fact, despite the huge number of ways the World Cup enhances our lives, it really hasn't given us much in the way of memorable football so far.
Now in a funny kind of a way, that isn't a disaster. We've still got wall to wall action, and even if it isn't always red hot at least Grace Dent's vuvuzela is. On top of Grace, as it were, you get famous faces, towering stadiums, commentating malapropisms and all the other little extras you dream of on a cold January morning. It's just that it hasn't exactly delivered the spectacle I was hoping for. As one eagerly anticipated game after another falls a little flat, you do start to wonder where the wow factor is coming from.
This one seemed to have everything. We've seen half these players in the Premiership, and they usually deliver well enough. Sorensen in the Danish goal plays for Stoke, for instance. Not that that's a traditional indicator of footballing beauty, but he's a good keeper, and being the keeper it's not like he's going to be wandering round the pitch randomly kicking people like the Stoke outfield. Denmark also had Agger from Liverpool, a solid defender with a decent shot on him, and Bendtner from Arsenal, who came back from injury midseason and finished strongly. The Dutch had Kuyt (Liverpool), Heitinga (Everton) and van Persie (Arsenal). From the European Leagues we also had Rommedahl, Danish but used to turning it on for Ajax, and van Bommel from Bayern Munich. There was every reason for optimism.
And Holland have entertained us often enough. Do you remember them at Euro 2000? Their demolition job on Yugoslavia still stands as poetry's greatest triumph since Dante. Not today though. Robben was injured, and I'm sure that didn't help. Without Robben they're less Dante, more Richard Stilgoe.
The game started with an exchange of long range free kicks, but Sneijder's flew over while Enevoldsen's went wide. The commentator wondered whether all this stuff about the ball's unpredictable flight was encouraging players to shoot from unrealistic distances. This is particularly unwise when you realise that actually the ball's misbehaviour mainly involves going higher than you'd think, so long range shots are almost bound to sail over.
The commentator also noticed the overwhelming support for the Dutch in the stadium, and suggested that might be because of South Africa's historical connection with Holland. If you ask me that's about as likely as Scottish or Irish crowds cheering on England, while the Welsh offer them free holiday cottages, but maybe there were just a lot of Afrikaners in. It could be, after all they're the ones who can afford tickets.
There were a few more long range shots, but the first decent chance fell to Bendtner on 27 minutes. Agger's cross was perfect for him, but his header fell just wide. The Dutch had no chances as good, but they kept up the pressure, forcing the Danes to defend solidly. Van Persie had a shooting opportunity just before the break, but missed. Each side's best chance had fallen to an Arsenal player, and they'd both cocked it up. Arsenal fans looking to moan about how much better their players were on international duty must have been sorely disappointed.
Calamity struck the Danes just after the break. Simon Poulsen misdirected a clearing header from a van Persie cross, and it bounced off Agger and into the net.
The commentators were rather unkind, I thought. First they accused Poulsen of looking happy about it when he smiled with embarrassment, then they started going on about what a terrible error it was. In fact, although it wasn't in any way a great defensive header, it was quite clearly not going in until it bounced off Agger. It wasn't his fault either, he had no time to get out of the way, it was just one of those things. A few minutes later van der Vaart flicked a cross towards the top right corner of the goal and Sorensen dived well to claim it, and they accused van der Vaart of mistiming a pass and Sorensen of grandstanding for the cameras.
No-one was slandering Eljero Elia when he came on, he was just too good to be traduced. I'd not seen him before, but watch out for him for the rest of the tournament. He's one of those players who runs at a defense and turns them. Like the elephants in Hannibal's army, their biggest impact is on the other side's morale.
The Danes, meanwhile, rather bafflingly took Bendtner off and replaced him with Beckmann. Why they swapped their best striker for a midfielder when they were a goal down, only they know. Unsurprisingly, they made little impact for the rest of the game. With five minutes to go, Elia got onto a Sneijder pass, shot and hit the post. Kuyt tucked in the rebound. It was hard on Sorensen, who'd got a glove to Elia's shot to stop it going in, but only fair on the balance of play.
Denmark had one chance, when a Dutch defensive error let the ball through to Rommedahl just on full time, but his shot was well wide, and that was their lot.
So the Dutch win their first game, perhaps a touch prosaically. And can you blame them? It's all very well being the football world's Dante, but when did he last get on Countdown? Richard Stilgoe's an OBE, you know. How many OBEs has Dante got? It's a results business, and if you want gongs, sometimes you have to be more like Stilgoe.
Agger (og) 46
Kuyt 85
Our site manager Paul will have been waiting for this one, as he's got both teams in the sweepstake. See, it isn't just me that's getting overexcited. He was happy enough with his draw, and they both look better options to progress than Japan or Cameroon.
Not that it was a classic. In fact, despite the huge number of ways the World Cup enhances our lives, it really hasn't given us much in the way of memorable football so far.
Now in a funny kind of a way, that isn't a disaster. We've still got wall to wall action, and even if it isn't always red hot at least Grace Dent's vuvuzela is. On top of Grace, as it were, you get famous faces, towering stadiums, commentating malapropisms and all the other little extras you dream of on a cold January morning. It's just that it hasn't exactly delivered the spectacle I was hoping for. As one eagerly anticipated game after another falls a little flat, you do start to wonder where the wow factor is coming from.
This one seemed to have everything. We've seen half these players in the Premiership, and they usually deliver well enough. Sorensen in the Danish goal plays for Stoke, for instance. Not that that's a traditional indicator of footballing beauty, but he's a good keeper, and being the keeper it's not like he's going to be wandering round the pitch randomly kicking people like the Stoke outfield. Denmark also had Agger from Liverpool, a solid defender with a decent shot on him, and Bendtner from Arsenal, who came back from injury midseason and finished strongly. The Dutch had Kuyt (Liverpool), Heitinga (Everton) and van Persie (Arsenal). From the European Leagues we also had Rommedahl, Danish but used to turning it on for Ajax, and van Bommel from Bayern Munich. There was every reason for optimism.
And Holland have entertained us often enough. Do you remember them at Euro 2000? Their demolition job on Yugoslavia still stands as poetry's greatest triumph since Dante. Not today though. Robben was injured, and I'm sure that didn't help. Without Robben they're less Dante, more Richard Stilgoe.
The game started with an exchange of long range free kicks, but Sneijder's flew over while Enevoldsen's went wide. The commentator wondered whether all this stuff about the ball's unpredictable flight was encouraging players to shoot from unrealistic distances. This is particularly unwise when you realise that actually the ball's misbehaviour mainly involves going higher than you'd think, so long range shots are almost bound to sail over.
The commentator also noticed the overwhelming support for the Dutch in the stadium, and suggested that might be because of South Africa's historical connection with Holland. If you ask me that's about as likely as Scottish or Irish crowds cheering on England, while the Welsh offer them free holiday cottages, but maybe there were just a lot of Afrikaners in. It could be, after all they're the ones who can afford tickets.
There were a few more long range shots, but the first decent chance fell to Bendtner on 27 minutes. Agger's cross was perfect for him, but his header fell just wide. The Dutch had no chances as good, but they kept up the pressure, forcing the Danes to defend solidly. Van Persie had a shooting opportunity just before the break, but missed. Each side's best chance had fallen to an Arsenal player, and they'd both cocked it up. Arsenal fans looking to moan about how much better their players were on international duty must have been sorely disappointed.
Calamity struck the Danes just after the break. Simon Poulsen misdirected a clearing header from a van Persie cross, and it bounced off Agger and into the net.
The commentators were rather unkind, I thought. First they accused Poulsen of looking happy about it when he smiled with embarrassment, then they started going on about what a terrible error it was. In fact, although it wasn't in any way a great defensive header, it was quite clearly not going in until it bounced off Agger. It wasn't his fault either, he had no time to get out of the way, it was just one of those things. A few minutes later van der Vaart flicked a cross towards the top right corner of the goal and Sorensen dived well to claim it, and they accused van der Vaart of mistiming a pass and Sorensen of grandstanding for the cameras.
No-one was slandering Eljero Elia when he came on, he was just too good to be traduced. I'd not seen him before, but watch out for him for the rest of the tournament. He's one of those players who runs at a defense and turns them. Like the elephants in Hannibal's army, their biggest impact is on the other side's morale.
The Danes, meanwhile, rather bafflingly took Bendtner off and replaced him with Beckmann. Why they swapped their best striker for a midfielder when they were a goal down, only they know. Unsurprisingly, they made little impact for the rest of the game. With five minutes to go, Elia got onto a Sneijder pass, shot and hit the post. Kuyt tucked in the rebound. It was hard on Sorensen, who'd got a glove to Elia's shot to stop it going in, but only fair on the balance of play.
Denmark had one chance, when a Dutch defensive error let the ball through to Rommedahl just on full time, but his shot was well wide, and that was their lot.
So the Dutch win their first game, perhaps a touch prosaically. And can you blame them? It's all very well being the football world's Dante, but when did he last get on Countdown? Richard Stilgoe's an OBE, you know. How many OBEs has Dante got? It's a results business, and if you want gongs, sometimes you have to be more like Stilgoe.
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