You may remember this, from the Graham Linehan comedy classic Black Books. Manny has been working in Bernard's bookshop, on trial.
Bernard: Manny, let's talk about how this trial day went.
Manny: Well, I think it went quite well.
Bernard: You sold a lot of books. And got on quite well with the customers.
Manny: (Pleased) Yes!
Bernard: I'm going to have to let you go.
Manny: (Shocked) But... I sold a lot of books! I got on well with the customers!
Bernard: It's not that kind of operation.
And this isn't that kind of blog. My blogs are always a little more - oblique.
Last World Cup I did one called First We Take Manhattan. I haven't added a link, because the site was taken over by Very Bad People. Space pirates or something, I didn't entirely understand the technical side of Simon's explanation to be honest, but the long and the short of it is I can't show it to you. I may refer tantalisingly to former glories (tantalising is my forte, you know), I may even put up the odd piece from my archive, but that's all I can do.
What I can give you is match reports, arcane metaphors, similies like this one, detailed numerical analysis of the self-evidently unquantifiable and clear and sensible reasons why players are really just like characters from Greek myth or half-remembered Seventies sitcoms. Which is what you want, really. Oh yes.
Comments are available. I may need to tweak some settings, so do let me know if you have any difficulties. Unless you're trying to sell something, in which case do let me know if you don't. It's not that kind of operation either.
Welcome in, and feel free to retweet me, or whatever it is you do for the young people. I only do this for the attention, and my need is insatiable.
Soon, my squad analysis.