Japan v Cameroon

Japan 1 - 0 Cameroon
Honda 38

I'm not writing about the actual football. I don't see why I should. They're been paid to entertain, so if they can't be bothered why should I do it for free? Whereof we cannot bring ourselves to speak, thereof we shall remain silent. Was there a goal? I refuse to say, and if there was it was like a falling star breaking through an otherwise cloudy sky, unexpected, briefly exciting then rapidly forgotten.

Just ignore them. It's the only language they understand. If we simply refuse to discuss teams that don't play, they'll soon buck their ideas up.

There was one bit of good news. It was so dull, hardly anyone bothered with their vuvuzelas. Such a relief. Unfortunate, then, that next door should choose this afternoon to attack their garden with an angle grinder. As far as I could see their garden had perfectly good angles already.

The second half was better. It didn't have the goal-of-which-we-shall-not-speak in it, but it did have Mark Lawrenson talking eloquently about the importance of desire, possibly the only sentiment he shares with Oscar Wilde. To be honest, though, most of the action was substitutions.

Which I'm not talking about. They had their chance, and they blew it. I just hope Italy and Paraguay are taking note.